Where to begin??? My most heartbreaking bff breakup was in my 30s and I’m still confused and conflicted about it. I know I’ve closed myself off from that level of friendship ever since. As in 40 years since.
Hate that that happened to you - there's so many people I speak to that have a similar heartache about a friendship in their 30s. Definitely relate on closing off a bit since them myself. It's really hard to pinpoint what happens so it's like we just around with this unease about it for a very long time. Sending a hug <3
I find myself in the exact same position, having lamented many of the same sentiments and comments to my therapist session after session.
But alas, I keep telling myself that the tide will turn and it’s okay to focus on my career now and course will reverse itself and friendships will boomerang back into my life.
But .. what if they don’t? And I’m left stumbling alone? Well, that’s the predicament I find myself, like you, in now, I suppose.
Definitely something i ponder over as well. Like I want to believe it, and I do. But in the back of my mind i'm like hmm and if they dont?? I don't particularly fancy the reality of that so it makes the heartache of it all the more uneasy. Thanks for sharing this.
Withering friendships in the 30s seems to be such a universal experience, I'm going to send this to people going forward when they tell me they're struggling with it.
Meanwhile for me, I moved to a new city in my 30s. Making friendships with people my age has been hard, but fortunately there's no social ick in Paris about making cross generation friendships -- and I've found myself now in social circles with people of all ages. Was weird at first, being friends with people younger or much much older than me, but they've been very growthful for me.
Friendship breakups are so painful, and definitely need to be talked about more so I love this piece! I think we as a society have developed an indifferent attitude toward it where we feel like friends are seasonal and in some ways transactional but I don’t think that should be the case.
I also want to point out that friendships between women are typically a lot deeper than friendships between men. This level of closeness is so beautiful, but it also invites more expectations and opportunities for conflict (which I don’t think is a bad thing, I think it’s conducive to more growth and intimacy.)
When my friend gave birth a few years ago, I didn’t know how our relationship would survive and I was scared. I made a commitment to her and myself that I would accept the friendship on her terms. We live 10 minutes from each other and used to see each other every day. Now we see each other once a month at best- it’s usually 4-6 times a year. And I’m okay with that. I’m not willing to give up on the friendship and I want to do what it takes to fit into her life even if it doesn’t look the same as it used to.
It’s hard to come to terms with for sure. I appreciate your writing and how it really helped me understand dynamics in my friendships!
Where to begin??? My most heartbreaking bff breakup was in my 30s and I’m still confused and conflicted about it. I know I’ve closed myself off from that level of friendship ever since. As in 40 years since.
Hate that that happened to you - there's so many people I speak to that have a similar heartache about a friendship in their 30s. Definitely relate on closing off a bit since them myself. It's really hard to pinpoint what happens so it's like we just around with this unease about it for a very long time. Sending a hug <3
I find myself in the exact same position, having lamented many of the same sentiments and comments to my therapist session after session.
But alas, I keep telling myself that the tide will turn and it’s okay to focus on my career now and course will reverse itself and friendships will boomerang back into my life.
But .. what if they don’t? And I’m left stumbling alone? Well, that’s the predicament I find myself, like you, in now, I suppose.
Definitely something i ponder over as well. Like I want to believe it, and I do. But in the back of my mind i'm like hmm and if they dont?? I don't particularly fancy the reality of that so it makes the heartache of it all the more uneasy. Thanks for sharing this.
Lovely, got this saved for future reference.
Withering friendships in the 30s seems to be such a universal experience, I'm going to send this to people going forward when they tell me they're struggling with it.
Meanwhile for me, I moved to a new city in my 30s. Making friendships with people my age has been hard, but fortunately there's no social ick in Paris about making cross generation friendships -- and I've found myself now in social circles with people of all ages. Was weird at first, being friends with people younger or much much older than me, but they've been very growthful for me.
I am going through a 'friendschip break-up' right now, from my end, and it fucking sucks. Thanks for sharing ❤️
Friendship breakups are so painful, and definitely need to be talked about more so I love this piece! I think we as a society have developed an indifferent attitude toward it where we feel like friends are seasonal and in some ways transactional but I don’t think that should be the case.
I also want to point out that friendships between women are typically a lot deeper than friendships between men. This level of closeness is so beautiful, but it also invites more expectations and opportunities for conflict (which I don’t think is a bad thing, I think it’s conducive to more growth and intimacy.)
When my friend gave birth a few years ago, I didn’t know how our relationship would survive and I was scared. I made a commitment to her and myself that I would accept the friendship on her terms. We live 10 minutes from each other and used to see each other every day. Now we see each other once a month at best- it’s usually 4-6 times a year. And I’m okay with that. I’m not willing to give up on the friendship and I want to do what it takes to fit into her life even if it doesn’t look the same as it used to.
It’s hard to come to terms with for sure. I appreciate your writing and how it really helped me understand dynamics in my friendships!